12/10/15

"They left like you knew they would." - Henry Rollins

They left you like you knew they would. They went away and you
fell like a stone. All the way to the bottom of your room. I see you,
yes I see you. Sitting in your chair, hating every minute of it. Falling
like a stone without even moving. It hurt you to know that you were
right about all the shit you wanted to be wrong about. They always
leave you. You put yourself in the right place to get left.

The Man He Killed - Thomas Hardy

Had he and I but met
By some old ancient inn,
We should have set us down to wet
Right many a nipperkin!

But ranged as infantry,
And staring face to face,
I shot at him as he at me,
And killed him in his place.

I shot him dead because--
Because he was my foe,
Just so: my foe of course he was;
That's clear enough; although

He thought he'd 'list, perhaps,
Off-hand like--just as I--
Was out of work--had sold his traps--
No other reason why.

Yes; quaint and curious war is!
You shoot a fellow down
You'd treat, if met where any bar is,
Or help to half a crown.

Escapist's Song - Theodore Spencer

The first woman I loved, he said--
Her skin was satin and gold.
The next woman I loved, he said--
Her skin was satin and gold.
The third woman I loved, he said--
Was made in a different mold.
She was deeper than me, and said so;
She was stronger than me, and said so;
She was wiser than me, and proved it;
I shivered, and grew cold.
The fourth woman I loved, he said--
Her skin was satin and gold.

Those Winter Sundays - Robert Hayden

Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him.

I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he’d call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chronic angers of that house,

Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love’s austere and lonely offices?

Telemachus' Guilt - Louise Glück

Patience of the sort my mother
practiced on my father
(which in his self-
absorption he mistook
for tribute though it was in fact
a species of rage--didn't he
ever wonder why he was
so blocked in expressing
his native abandon?): it infected
my childhood. Patiently
she fed me; patiently
she supervised the kindly
slaves who attended me, regardless
of my behavior, an assumption
I tested with increasing
violence. It seemed clear to me
that from her perspective
I didn't exist, since
my actions had
no power to disturb her: I was
the envy of my playmates.
In the decades that followed
I was proud of my father
for staying away
even if he stayed away for
the wrong reasons;
I used to smile
when my mother wept.
I hope now she could
forgive that cruelty; I hope
she understood how like
her own coldness it was,
a means of remaining
separate from what
one loves deeply.

What I Should Have Said - MARTY MCCONNELL & EMILY KAGAN TRENCHARD

when you said that a wedding sounded
like something you could live with
so long as it was small
and local and not actually a ceremony
at all but a gathering
of some people we love but not
too many and not requiring
too much planning

I should have left you. should
have swallowed the velvet cushions
you leaned against, the ones salvaged
from the first couch my folks ever owned,
should have shredded the silk blanket
into rags, cracked my teeth
on the wood bed-frame, anything
but stay. love, you are the best

of my failures. how educated I've become
in the ways of silence. the woman
who follows me from room
to room in this new house has so
many hands there are not enough days
to fill them. when you did not

say no to the possibility
of a child I should never
have taken that for yes.
should have gathered
my ovaries like a fistful
of amaranth and run
all the way to Chicago.
who did I think we were.
who did I think
I could make you.

this is the oldest mistake,
to confuse wanting
with magic. silence is the undoing
of every spell, and we are experts
in the unsaid. even now, I forget
to put us in past tense. as if
the air in this city were the same.
as if love is anything like its speaking.