I
want to take a screwdriver
Mutilate
my face
Find
a beautiful woman
Make
her love me for what I am
Then
say I don't need it and walk away
2/8/16
Mutable Earth - Louise Glück
Are you healed or do you only
think you're healed?
I told myself
from nothing
nothing could be taken away.
But can you love anyone yet?
When I feel safe, I can love.
But will you touch anyone?
I told myself
if I had nothing
the world couldn't touch me.
In the bathtub, I examine my
body.
We're supposed to do that.
And your face too?
Your face in the mirror?
I was vigilant: when I
touched myself
I didn't feel anything.
Were you safe then?
I was never safe, even when I
was most hidden.
Even then I was waiting.
So you couldn't protect
yourself?
The absolute
erodes; the boundary, the
wall
around the self erodes.
If I was waiting I had been
invaded by time.
But do you think you're free?
I think I recognize the
patterns of my nature.
But do you think you're free?
I had nothing
and I was still changed.
Like a costume, my numbness
was taken away. Then
hunger was added.
Afraid - Gösta Ågren
He was afraid of freedom,
for he wanted to be free to
choose it. He was afraid
of happiness, for he was afraid
of the time when the party is
over, also that part of the party
that consists of the time when
it is over. He was afraid of
life, for it lacked
secrecy, and therefore
mercy, and the reward
for living, death,
was not enough, for
he was not afraid
of it.
Mirror Image - Louise Glück
Tonight
I saw myself in the dark window as
the
image of my father, whose life
was
spent like this,
thinking
of death, to the exclusion
of
other sensual matters,
so
in the end that life
was
easy to give up, since
it
contained nothing: even
my
mother's voice couldn't make him
change
or turn back
as
he believed
that
once you can't love another human being
you
have no place in the world.
"If you're not strong inside yourself I don't even want to be near you." - Henry Rollins
If
you're not strong inside yourself I don't even want to be near you.
Don't
even look at me. I don't want to know your name. Life is too
short.
The closest thing I can come to love, is respect. To me,
respect
is miles beyond. That's the problem. Love can exist in spite
of
a total lack of respect. To me, that's a fucking fat lie. I can only
carry
myself. I can't respect anyone who can't stand on their own
two
feet. If you want me, then you must want yourself ten times
more.
You must be strong. Otherwise go fall in love and lie to your-
self
as you beat yourself into happiness.
And Sometimes I Sit - Nikki Giovanni
and
sometimes i sit
down
at my typewriter
and
i think
not
of someone
cause
there isn't anyone
to
think
about
and i wonder
is
it worth it
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